Feels

It's funny how my hearts keeps on hurting itself for the same person. Literally i cried for 3 days after what he said to me and it hurts like hell. I cried in the shower, I cried when I sleep, I even cried when I woke up, i cried when i walked to koop to buy foods for sahur. I cried every time. But he doesn't even bother me or even notice my depression. This things bother me and I tried busy myself with stuffs like made my bed, washing all my clothes, walk around campus, listen to music. Somehow everything is related to him. And I'll start crying, again. Why? Why? Why? Why he have to show me all this and why am I even botherrrrr when he doesn't even give a single damnnnnnn gosh i hate myself for being this way. I feel so weak and hopeless. Kita "kawan rapat" really hits me hard. Like every time I remember it, I'll cry the shit out of me. But nah, you don't know how much i've cried because of you and still you act like everything's okay and under your control, you don't know that, everything you posted on the social media, makes me so curious about you, and makes me feel "who r u" day by day. It's like you're a stranger and the new person. But somehow I can't do the same things you did, because I can't hurt the person i love  and care so much in my life, but you can. It's just that i need to be vanish out of your life like the mermaid becomes bubble for the sake of her prince. You make me sad every day now. Like every day. And I can't let this controls me. I'm strong as i always be and I can't let you bring me down. I'll go out of your life 

KMK & FUTURE

Hi. Assalamualaikum.

So. It’s my fourth day in KMK. So far so good. Great new friends, cool roommates, cozy bed, friendly lecturers. Biasalah homesick itu biasa beb. Anak tunggal pulak tu. Tapi serious talk aku tak pernah nangis bila jauh dari ibu ayah even asrama sekolah sekali pun. Nangis stress study pernah lah.
Okay actually nak cakap pasal modul yang aku dapat ni. Di matriks ada 3 modul bagi student sains.

MODUL 1 : Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Physics.
MODUL 2 : Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Science Computer
MODUL 3 : Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Science Computer

Aku target dari awal lagi aku nak modul 2. Kononnya sebab nak lari Bio. Aku takdaklah benci sangat bio tu.. actually favourite masa SPM dulu. Sebab cikgu yang ajar aku dulu ohsem giler yang membuatkan aku minat bio. Tapi tah oleh sebab aku tak dapat A masa spm dlu macam frust lah jugak, tapi aku dapat B+ untuk Physics so aku rasa mcm aku ke arah Physics. KONON.

TETIBA!!!!!! Aku dapat modul 1………. Jadi terfikir sejenak nak tukar modul ke tak. Apa gila ka aku nak ambik sains hayat yang ada 3 beradik tu sekali. masyaAllah. Sooo aku pun terketar ketar menggigil gelisah nak ambil ke tak boring tukar modul tu. Aku juga consult kak kak senior pasal modul2 ni. Hurm….. bila piker balik, dulu aku tak perform sebab aku terlalu bebankan otak aku yang kecik ni dengan Bahasa Arab, Sejarah, QS, Syariah apa semua kot. Tapi masuk matrik nix de lah subj lain yang teruk selain bio dan maths(addmath). Aku yakinkan diri aku yang aku boleh utk peroleh 4 FLAT di KMK ni…

Lagipun ada lecturer boek punya di KMK ni yang perform giler bio beb. Katanya 75% pelajar A dalam PSPM. Aku pun tertarik dan nak pulun gilerrr sains hayat ni. Aku tau aku boleh sebab tu aku nak cabar diriku yang tak pernah perform masa sekolah dulu. Alah. Kena lah usaha. Tak usaha nak berjaya macam mana. Balik rumah tido gemukkan diri lagi bagus.
Okay, kalau aku dapat 3.7 above untuk habis sem nanti apa aku nak buat dengan sijil Matrik yang boleh mohon penjawat awam ni???? APA??? BOLEH KERJA KE BEB??? Ye, boleh kerja. Tapi boleh lah aku nak kerja kejap… travel kerrrr. Oceh. Amin. Then aku nak masuk U. U mana? Hati u boleh? Eh dak dak.
UM ke, USM ke, UIA ke…. Course apa beb? Hurm tu aku tak fikir lagi. Teruk. Apa nak jadi pun xtau ka idzni. Ya aku xtahu. Sebab awal2 tu aku nak jadi dentist, then tetiba engineer lak, then tetiba arkitek lak, then engineer balik, then dah masuk sains hayat ni tetiba rasa nak yang first tu balik. Dentist, sebab tu yang aku nak dari dulu lagi. ATAU! Jadi lecturer matrik balik. Uuuuu. Mcm mana tu..?

Okay, first sem nanti, kalau siapa yang perform giler 3.5 above, boleh mohon jadi lecturer Matrik. Eh jap bukan calang calang nihhhh. Boleh sambung luar negara tauuuuu. Ada Aussie, Jepun, UK, tah apa lagi aku lupa. Haaaa jaminan kerja dah ada, belajar luar negara lak weh. Mcm kalua masuk IPG, kena ngajar budak sekolah rendah dulu, apa semua. Dah lah aku tak suka budak budak nak ngajar budak darjah 1 pulak. Nuh uh, rosak anak orang. Bukan nak kutuk budak IPG eh nooooo, aku yang tak nak. Lagipun nak apply xleh sbb bukan 5 A kan. Huahuahuahua.
So antara dua tu lah. Dentist au Lecturer. Nanti kita tengok 5 tahun lagi ehek ngadenyeeeeeeeee.


Ok tu je bye